I am going to be a nervous wreck

All day long, a sweaty smelly husk of a human by the time five PM PDT rolls around today.

Unless the USMNT just completely rolls over and gets waxed today by the Black Stars, which is definitely a legitimate possibility, and then I will be less exhausted husk and more very tired rationalizing philosophizing Alibi Ike.  

The key for the USA today is the same as it always for them in the World Cup.  They can not concede early goals in these matches.  For whatever reason, and despite always having World Class goaltending, the USA's biggest weakness has always been conceding early goals in the World Cup.  Much of that has to do with the fact that the US just has not been very good at producing and nurturing top flight defenders, and there probably is a mental thing/nerve sort of thing happening, as well.

I would like to think that coach, Jurgen Klinsmann, has helped the USA over that jitters thing, but we will not know until about twenty minutes in to today's contest with Ghana.

I am just going to have to see the games.  The USA could very easily look like Honduras did yesterday, rack up a bunch of cards, have no attacking play whatsoever, and get seriously humiliated in this tournament.  

Or, they could score some goals, get some lucky breaks, and make it to the Round of 16, or further.

One thing I can guarantee is that will not get any benefit of the doubt when it comes to difficult or crucial refereeing decisions.  FIFA hates the USA, and always will, most likely.  But I do not want to be like a whinging England supporter.  It is never England's fault when they lose.  They are always robbed of greater glory.  

So, I accept the difficult situations, and I temper my expectations, and ultimately resign myself to answering the question:  Am I proud of them? Did they acquit themselves in an entertaining classy way? 

Today is the day.  We will find out.

-- Ardent

Here are the eight nations I will be cheering hardest for in the 2014 World Cup:

1. USA

2. The Cantons of Helvetica (Switzerland)

3. Spain

4. Honduras

5. Costa Rica

6. Holland

7. Ghana

8. Ecuador

The list is descending order, thus, if No 1 (USA) met No 2 (CH) in a match, I would support the USA.  I will support the USA against all possible opponents, and there is only one team that Switzerland could play wherein I would not support them, the USA.  

I like Switzerland because my parents used to live in Basel, and my father still does much of the year; and because I have a weird softness for that bizarre proud country.

I like Spain because their players are beautiful, they play a beautiful brand of football with a goofy nickname -- tika taka -- and they always seem to exude class on and off the pitch.

I like Honduras and Costa Rica because they are tiny nations that seriously over-perform and get very little respect.  

Go La Bicolor!

I like Holland for their gorgeous uniforms, and their exciting lively brand of football (even though lately they have become quite goonish), and the way they always have their fans pull marketing stunts in the crowd to piss off their opposition.

Ghana is my favorite African nation.  They know how to win, and they are the USA's nemesis.

Ecuador is my favorite Central or South American nation because they are a very tiny nation, too, and get very little respect.

This list will have to change as the tournament progresses, and it will, and I will update it over the next month.  It has to change because as even a footy novice will notice, very few of those teams in my Top 8 have any legitimate chance to make it deep in to the tournament.  Only Spain and Holland from my list would count as serious contenders.  Ghana would be a dark horse.  If I had to make a Top 8 of simply legitimate sides, it would look like this:

1. Spain

2. Brazil

3. Ghana

4. Germany

5. Uruguay

6. France

7. Italy

8. Argentina

France is a toughie.  Normally they would be in my opening Top 8, but they kind of broke my heart at the last World Cup, with all their prima donna behavior, and mutiny.  If they are on their form, and keep it classy, they could move up my list very quickly.  

Now, there is a bottom of the list, as well.  These are the four nations I like the least, and will be rooting against.  

29.  Belgium

30. Mexico

31. (tie) England

              Portugal

I can not explain it fully, but I can not stand Belgium.  Mexico are the USA's mortal enemy, and if England and Portugal met in this year's World Cup, I would hope for a power outage.  I hate both of them so much.  Portugal for their crappy sportsmanship, and CR7; and England because of their smug nasty homer xenophobic fans.  

World Cup starts today! Go Croatia!

Ciao!

Ardent

Landon Donovan

Is the greatest soccer player the United States has ever produced, and yet, unlike his friend and teammate, DaMarcus Beasley, Donovan will not be playing in his fourth FIFA World Cup Finals.

Donovan's World Cup CV is astounding, as well.  It is not as if he was just coasting through his nation's most important matches.  In fact, he has scored more goals in the World Cup Finals than some of the more illustrious strikers from other nations, including Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo.

But, there has always been a nagging sense that as great as Donovan was, that he still could have been even better.  That he could have been, in addition to being the greatest US soccer player ever, he might have been one of the world's best footballers, period.

If that is the case, then what was it that held him down? I believe it is the same thing that is keeping him out of the 2014 World Cup Finals:  Attitude.

Donovan has always carried with him an attitude that suggests he is cocky, or a bit of a diva. Lots of the world's greatest athletes have attitudes like that.  Many argue it may be essential to reaching elite achievement in sport, or art, or business, or life.

The first real instance of it possibly impairing Donovan's career advancement, though, came when he was playing in Germany in the Bundesliga.  He was young, and had already scored goals in the World Cup, and, even by then, was probably considered one of the greatest US-born footballer's ever.

He did not play well in Germany.  He sulked and moaned and bitched about probably everything in the entire experience of big-time European Club Football.

Unfortunately for him, the current USMNT coach, Jurgen Klinsmann, was working in the Bundesliga at the time, and was, I am sure, privy to every single Donovan story coming out of Leverkusen.

But it gets worse.  Right on the eve of the USMNT's 2014 World Cup Qualifying campaign, Donovan told Klinsmann that he was burned out and needed some time off.  Even if it is not technically the case, that attitude smacks of someone who does not want to rehearse, and expects to be the star when the lights go on.

Klinsmann was not impressed.  By the time Donovan was ready to return to the national side, the US were cruising through the Hex, and well on their way to Brazil.  Klinsmann, in a sense, demoted Donovan by forcing him to play in the Gold Cup, with essentially the US B-team.  Donovan did as he was told, and was the star of the tournament, which the US won.

It was not enough.  Klinsmann left Donovan off the team for Brazil.  Cue hue and cry!

The last time the media called for Klinsmann's head the USMNT ran off twelve wins in a row, so I am keen to give Klinsmann the benefit of the doubt, even though I bloody well know that the United States will not win this World Cup Finals, or possibly even make it out of their brutal group.

Klinsmann has a plan for the future that sees the USMNT as legitimate World Cup contenders in 2018 and 2022.  Contenders in the sense that they could reach the Semis, the Finals, or win the whole damn thing.  I am not kidding.

As much as I wish Landon Donovan was in Brazil, I understand why he is not, and I think it was the right decision by Klinsmann.  Even if the USMNT are unable to break from their group this month, I still think Klinsmann made the right call.

I have always loved difficult or feisty artists and athletes, and I will always love Landon Donovan, and all his brilliant goals, and the way he got under the skin of every Mexican El Tri supporter.  Despite the uneasy small feeling that he could have even been better, I consider myself lucky to have been able to witness the greatest footballer from the United States ever.

My favorite Donovan goal? As much as I love his dagger in El Tri's heart in 2002, I have to go with his goal against Slovenia in 2006.  When it looked as if the World Cup was slipping away from the US he point blank scored one on one with a laser of a top shelf strike that literally had the goalkeeper going backwards in a pathetic effort to stop it.  After the goal, as Donovan was being congratulated by his teammates, Donovan seemed to shrug them off, and kept pointing to his head, yelling at the entire team, as if to say, "What the fuck? Where are you guys? Use your head! Am the only guy playing here?"

Ciao!
Nine days to World Cup!










Ardent

fauxluxe Complete 2014 World Cup Preview

No burying the lede, no personal stories, just a complete breakdown of how I see the 2014 FIFA World Cup in Brazil play out.  Here we go.

GROUP A

Brazil 3W 0D 0L 9pts

Mexico 1W 1D 1L 4pts

Croatia 0W 2D 1L 2pts

Cameroon 0W 1D 2L 1pt

Brazil should breeze through this group despite all the travel they have in store for them.  Only one other team will rack up more air miles during the tournament, the United States.  The crucial match that will be the difference for Mexico advancing will be on Friday, 13 June, where I see them beating Cameroon two to one.  That means Mexico would only need a draw against Croatia ten days later.  I think they can handle that.  

GROUP B

Spain 3W 0D 0L 9pts

Netherlands 2W 0D 1L 6pts

Chile 1W 0D 2L 3pts

Australia 0W 0D 3L 0pts

One of the most exciting games of the group stage will happen on the second day of the tournament, as Spain and the Netherlands have a rematch of the 2010 World Cup Final.  I believe Spain will win a thrilling three to two victory that day.  Lots of folks are high on Chile right now, but I am not convinced.  I have the Netherlands beating Chile two to one on Monday, 23 June.  

GROUP C

Columbia 2W 1D 0L 7pts

Greece 2W 1D 0L 7pts

Japan 1W 0D 2L 3pts

Ivory Coast 0W 0D 3L 0pts

I expect Columbia will win the group on goal difference.  Columbia should be able to score more goals against Japan and/or the Ivory Coast than Greece can.  Ivory Coast have a terrible reputation for being crap in the big tournaments.  I do not see that changing here.  Greece will play their normal defensive minded boring football, and their one-nil victory over Japan on Thursday, 19 June will see them through to the Round of Sixteen.

GROUP D

Uruguay 1W 2D 0L 5pts

Italy 0W 3D 0L 3pts

England 0W 3D 0L 3pts

Costa Rica 0W 2D 1L 2pts

This is a brutal group, and I really feel for the Ticos.  I think Italy will advance on the strength of scoring more goals than England, even though I do not see a whole lot of goals being scored in this group, period.  Ingerland will sack their manager for sure, and the British press will be merciless.  Uruguay beating Costa Rica two-nil on Saturday, 14 June will be the match that separates Uruguay from the rest of the group.  

GROUP E

Ecuador 2W 1D 0L 7pts

Switzerland 0W 3D 0L 3pts

France 0W 2D 1L 2pts

Honduras 0W 2D 1L 2pts

This should be the most boring group in the whole tournament.  There will not be a lot of goals scored, and it will come down to Wednesday, 25 June when France and Honduras will  be sent packing.  Honduras will manage a nil-nil draw against my beloved boring Switzerland, but Ecuador will beat France one-nil.  The difference for Switzerland over France is the Swiss will have been able to draw one all v Ecuador ten days earlier.  

GROUP F

Argentina 3W 0D 0L 9pts

Nigeria 1W 1D 1L 4pts

Bosnia and Herzegovina 0W 2D 1L 2pts

Iran 0W 1D 2L 1pt

If our new Pope really did pray for an easy group for Argentina then he really did get his wish. This group will be a cakewalk for Messi et al, and they should win all three games.  The difference for Nigeria will be that they can beat Iran, while Bosnia only manage a draw v Iran on Wednesday, 25 June.  

GROUP G

Germany 2W 1D 0L 7pts

USA 1W 2D 0L 5pts

Portugal 1W 0D 2L 3pts

Ghana 0W 1D 2L 1pt

The USA will draw v Ghana one all; beat Portugal three-two again; and then kick the ball around the park with Germany on Thursday, 26 June, earning a draw, whilst Portugal maliciously destroy Ghana four-nil.  It will not matter, though.  Portugal will flame out of a major tournament once again, even with Ronaldo.  

GROUP H

Belgium 1W 2D 0L 5pts

Russia 0W 3D 0L 3pts

Algeria 0W 3D 0L 3pts

South Korea 0W 2D 1L

Belgium will advance on the strength of being the only team in this extremely boring group to win a match, (one-nil over South Korea on Thursday, 26 June).  Russia will score more goals than Algeria, and break through because of that.  Lots of folks really fancy this Belgian side, and on paper they do look impressive, but I am skeptical.  

ROUND OF SIXTEEN

SATURDAY, 28 JUNE

Brazil 3-2 Netherlands

Columbia 0-1 Italy

The Brazil Holland match will be the most exciting game of the 2014 World Cup.  Unfortunately, right after that, Italy will bore Columbia to death, and win yet another one-nil Azzurri Special.

SUNDAY, 29 JUNE

Spain 2-0 Mexico

Uruguay 0-0 (4-2 PKs) Greece 

Spain will tiki taka Mexico senseless, and Uruguay and Greece will put everyone to sleep, until Los Charrúas win on PKs.

MONDAY, 30 JUNE

Ecuador 2-1 Nigeria

Germany 3-1 Russia

This will be a fun day for football, with loads of goals scored, and one extremely tight, and competitive matchup that could also go in to Extra Time or PKs.  

TUESDAY, 1 JULY

Argentina 2-0 Switzerland

Belgium 0-2 USA

I told you I did not think Belgium were for real.  Plus, European teams do not do well away from their continent.  (The exceptions are Germany, they are always good; Italy, they either win it all or suck; and Spain, who are becoming the new version of Germany.) And, Argentina will have no problems with the Cantons of Helvetica.

QUARTERFINALS

FRIDAY, 4 JULY

Brazil 0-0 (4-3 PKs) Italy

Ecuador 0-1 Germany

Germany will reach yet another semifinal, and Brazil will break Italy's heart again, on PKs.

SATURDAY, 5 JULY

Spain 1-0 Uruguay

Argentina 2-1 USA

The party ends for the USMNT, but they acquit themselves well, and are not a complete pushover for Argentina.  Meanwhile, Spain marches on, and eliminate one of my favorite sides, the gutsy, and tough Uruguayans.

SEMIFINALS

TUESDAY, 8 JULY

Brazil 2-0 Germany

WEDNESDAY, 9 JULY

Argentina 1-3 Spain

Yup, I am picking a Spain Brazil final.  Pretty boring, hunh? But, that is how I see it.

THIRD PLACE GAME

SATURDAY, 12 JULY

Argentina 1-2 Germany

FINAL

SUNDAY, 13 JULY

Brazil 0-2 Spain

I am going with Spain to win their second straight World Cup, and their third straight Major Tournament.  Perhaps a safe choice, and perhaps not.  We will see.  I can not wait!

Mwah, ... 

This is all kinds of

Fun to play around with.  It is a World Cup Draw generator.  The draw for World Cup 2014 in Brazil will be this Friday.

In the past, supporters of the USMNT have always bemoaned their group draws, complaining of a rigged system, and that it always seemed that Mexico always got a much easier group.  The fact of the matter is that in the last World Cup the USMNT actually got a pretty easy group:  An underachieving England side, Slovenia, and Algeria.  The USMNT actually won the group, which was pretty impressive, but lost in the round of sixteen.

Meanwhile, many of my El Tri supporter friends are their usual humming confident selves again after thrashing the Kiwis to make it to Brazil, and are predicting great things for their nation in next year's tourney.

That is almost the kind of attitude I think USMNT supporters should have.  Frankly, I am completely over the whole "Poor little USA" schtick.  You know, the "We always get a crappy draw, and never get the calls" poop.

I do believe that the USA has been extremely unlikely in the past to get the benefit of the doubt in tournament matches (except when they play Mexico, strangely), and they have been screwed over in the draw, too.  But, now is the time to shut up, stop whinging, and play football.  The USMNT will never get any respect from FIFA until it wins a meaningful trophy.  And, you know what, they might not even get any respect then, either.

(I love to ruminate over a future football world dominated by the USMNT.  What drama! The nation and team that every other nation and team would hate! We would be like the Dick Cheney of world football, everyone desperate to beat us and destroy us.  Hey, FIFA! Think of the ratings for that?)

As I have played with the generator these past few weeks, and realized what our possible draws would look like, I have come to the conclusion that it is pretty darn silly to fret about what group the USMNT will get.  The fact of the matter is, it is going to be tough no matter what.  We are going to have to play at least two very good sides in the group, and possibly three.  And, it could be a hostile environment down there, as well.

Shut up.  Do not worry about it.  And play football.  Moreover, I am confident that that is the attitude that our brilliant coach, Jürgen Klinsmann, is instilling in to his players right now.

It is much more important to worry over which incendiary Brazilian supermodel will be pulling the names out of the tombola.

Will it be Gisele ... 

... or Adriana conducting the draw on Friday?

Tchau!

These are strange days indeed for me at work right now.

I am the kind of guy that after big US wins against Mexico likes to wear his Everton FC Landon Donovan jersey.  And, I have taken some heat for it.  Nothing at all really bad.  Mainly some dirty looks, and one guy once said, "I really really hate that guy [Donovan]."

But, after last Tuesday evening, suddenly all my Mexican supporters love me, and are genuinely thankful to me as some sort of representation of the USMNT that allowed El Tri to still have a shot at making next year's World Cup.

I am going to enjoy it for as long as I can.  Because I know that the next time these two nations suit up again against each other in a meaningful match, that all this love will most likely be forgotten.

************

A couple of notes:

* These qualifying matches against New Zealand for Mexico will be no walk in the park.  The Kiwis were the only team to not lose a match in the 2010 World Cup.  (They drew all three matches, including one against football powerhouse Italy, which essentially knocked Italy out of the tournament.) The Kiwis are a gutty and resourceful team that are very disciplined defensively, and make up for their lack of style and flashy form with simple hard work.  They are bright in the corners and tough.  And Mexico's bewildering problem right now, and has been all year, is they can not score.  I have a Kiwi friend at work, too.  So, these two matches in November will be essential viewing for me.

* Plus, your heart just has to sink for poor Panama.  They have never been to the World Cup before, and were so close.  First, Mexico scores against them late with a miracle bicycle kick.  And then while Mexico is losing to Costa Rica a few days later the United States scores twice against them in injury time.  Maybe next time Panama.  Very sad.

* What is up with the guy watching Family Guy in the corner, too?











De nada,
Miguel